3 am: Kundalini rises and this bodily shell is wide awake.
It’s been more than a week, energies are high, creativity flowing, yet it is starting to take a toll on an every day level, on my work schedule and to deal with clients and not having Shakti prana flow out and laugh all the time, is becoming a task. When the fire of the goddess is lit, you have no choice but to surrender.
Last weekend she was not happy with my sportive endeavors, another opening of the heart seemed to be due, laughing out loud, out of joy and the pure pleasure of being alive, full bliss was streaming through my body- every time it happens, it is still and always will be special, it never gets old. A few days after, Shakti woke me up and there we were again: The left brain freeze and paralysis. It was not as bad as the last time it had happened, but to actually get up and go to work, was still a bit of a task. One step at a time we made it to the bus stop though and to teach a class to about 20 people, was definitely quite a feat.
To teach Yoga as a full-time job, to try and implement proper spiritual teachings into peoples’ lives, has become the sole purpose, to give people little by little a bigger picture of this vast Ocean of Yogic Philosophy and its underlying dangers and joys, to package it adequately, was definitely a choice, at the beginning also not made by me. It was just there and I had resisted for a very long time, actually pointing all responsibility away from me, but finally surrendered to the task. It remains a dance between the matrixes that co-exist one within the next, nearly seamlessly, and to gradually wake people from their unconscious slumber, was definitely pushed on me, whether I wanted it or not.
Believe me when I say: I tried to not show up for it, to not take that responsibility, to push it away from me, to hinder my Self from sharing what other people should start knowing. But trying to do that, I just hurt my Self and it blocked my path for quite a while.
Then, to further surrender to the almighty force of Kundalini and Shakti prana, which has gotten quite a bad reputation by now, was another story, but when she pushed me into relaxation mode, which I had willingly neglected for the past few weeks, I just gave in and stayed home, watching the sunshine and the icy cold out of the window of this house I am living in.
Who am I?
Just a tiny question that changes everything and nothing at all, a question that connects all of us with Kundalini, letting our Goddess Kali dance her violent yet beautiful dance, and to embrace her fully, to dance with her on a full-time basis, has become an every-day and night tango. Sometimes she leads and I follow, and sometimes I lead and she follows, which seems rather an illusion as there is no me in any case.
When the left brain freeze happens, all functions are put into sleep-mode, walking is becoming a shuffling, nitric oxide flooding the body (it is a feeling of clicking and champagne bubbles filling my head, ears fluttering sometimes, the high pitched bee sound in the middle of my head, increasing but nothing is unpleasant), arms and hands become lame, I try to think fully, but nothing- it is an autopilot to surrender to devote your Self fully to what has been known to Yogis for millennia and which, I am certain of it, used to be our normal mode of living.
She remains a wonder for me personally and I doubt that I will ever understand her ways fully, I doubt that it will ever finish, but sometimes, really seriously speaking, this can be a little bit of a party pooper.
So for all of you out there who are practicing “Yoga”, please learn what the postures mean, learn what you are teaching people and what you are doing yourself! You are tinkering with energetic settings here and none of it is harmless and if the nervous system is not prepared for an awakening, then this can do great physical harm!
On this note, one more thing has to be mentioned:
Last week I saw a business post on Instagram where I live and they classified someone who has no experience with proper spirituality, as Guru, which seems to be a term that is being thrown around left right and center, but not surprising in this age of the Kali Yuga. It struck an inner discord just reading it, as a Guru is someone who is an enlightened Being which takes lifetimes to fulfill, some might never even get there. To explain this- etymologically the syllables Gu and ru mean the “the one who dispels darkness and leads one towards light (of consciousness)”.
So how can someone dispel darkness if they are not lit themselves, because I do know this person first hand and there is no spark of light there. There is no Kundalini flowing in this person.
This shell knows it should not get upset about it, which actually it is not, it is just another ignorant comment of people who remain unconscious and it only instills sadness in me.
Sadness, that the world has become so superficial that sacred terms like the one of the GURU are being used without people knowing what it actually means.
With this, I shall leave you for now and let you dance your own dance with our mother Kali, to move towards Lord Shiva and his all-encompassing wisdom.
Om Namah Shivayah