On Saturday night at the Yoga Festival, during the Ecstatic Dance, the body was danced into a trance. The Shakti within this shell moves to the different frequencies and emotions of the person who has created the song.
This just showed that “I” have no say whatsoever in the decisions I make or what I should be doing. Honestly, after maybe half an hour, I was in pure ecstasy, bliss or pain flooding the body, the body being moved into shapes and postures, into tears and wailing, into frenzied laughter, no drugs or alcohol needed. She is the Queen that reigns, dancing with her Consort in the Cosmic Heart that the Human shell embeds.
Who am I?
This question is no longer accurate, but rather: What is this shell?
I felt not only ecstatic but literally feel the emotions with which the song was created, hence I became extremely careful what music I listen to or if I go out, where to.
The body just surrendered and all just happened by itself- in those few hours, I finally understood how Tribes can dance themselves into ecstasy and into a trance, how Sufi Sects (in the past), whirled into the ecstasy and the life-force that wafts around them.
The last three songs were brutal for this body: Deep pain and despair, my body in child’s pose, Shakti pressing hard to hold it down. I was contemplating to get up, tried, but there was no chance- she is the one who is in charge, not me. At the end a Lady finally played guitar and sang to it and I was so glad that it was over.
But she was one of those, where “I” liberated her Shakti and removed blockages only two days earlier and her Shakti came wafting over, to dance with mine, and I burst out into pure, childish laughter, as I always do.
The festival showed that it was good to keep small classes and to only take people who come on a regular basis, it showed the little “me” why I am often so tired: One reason is that I take on peoples’ Karma and that it can be quite heavy and draining, hence this body does get tired.
Another one is that, if a person is ready or let us use the term “ripe”, Shaktipat can be given. Now honestly, I had a slight feeling already a year ago, but I was told by a teacher that this is not it. However, it is definitely happening as people are awakening on such a quick basis due to the lessons I am giving, due to some energetic treatment I gave them, due to meditating with me or just being in my close vicinity, that I do feel like it’s been always like this and that this is what I was supposed to be doing. The term giving Shaktipat however, is a bit misleading, honestly speaking, as Divine Grace, flooding through this body, will be taken by the initiate or other person and they have to be ready, otherwise there will be no Shaktipat.
This must have always been the case and it does explain quite a few interesting coincidences over the span of my short 38 years and by now, deeply feeling what is happening, I can se the reactions people have: Some have to look twice or three times at me- they don’t know why consciously, but deep down they do. Some people become curious and don’t want to leave my side, some people stick with me and try to drain the energy, some fall into laughter with me when I am so blissed out that there is nowhere to go.
Yet, the last group are scared, nearly scared to death and either do not come close or try to come close and retreat: They go a bit crazy in my vicinity or they fall in love, or they pick fights and arguments, some become outright aggressive.
At the end of the day, it amuses “me”, some are just not ready, but a lot, it seems, are.
I also finally understand why I am sometimes so extremely exhausted: As there exists no more duality, the heart rate seems to have lowered so much on a permanent basis, that, when I try to do stuff quicker or walk quicker, or run for that matter, or do sports, the organism outright refuses to do so, as I guess that this is not the path I am supposed to be taking.
Why get a gift such as this one, to become the channel for Divine Grace, and then waste it on sports?
I get it now and I have made peace with the fact that those times are over. I can still hike and ski somehow, so I content myself with that. I guess one has to accept the Being state rather than the Doing.
And last but not least, the Universe does have an immense sense of humor to enable an ex-rock’n’roll party girl to become a channel. Whoever had that idea, must have had a good laugh and is surely still having one.
Now, change is happening so rapidly and a few decisions have to be made: I don’t think that a fitness studio is a conducive place for spiritual awakening, where I teach a few times a week (even though it’s happening there as well) and I think it’s time to focus only on that and to be there for people afterwards.
I remember how I felt very left alone during the process and how my mind and ego blocked so many things and made the process much harder than it had to be. I suffered so much during the process because I had built up such large amounts of karma in this lifetime that it had to go somewhere and no one was there to explain this to me.
Most teachers cloud the process in mystery and philosophical explanations that one wonders how anyone ever gets “enlightened”.
Honestly speaking: I find the term “enlightenment” rather silly- whoever came up with it and whoever put such an importance onto that phrase, must have been someone from the elite few from back in the days.
Liberation, pure freedom, this is much more fitting and even though one becomes the beacon in the dark for others to see, it can be done by your Self, awaken the life-force within- it is our birthright! It can also be done without a Guru, believe me.
With this I am truly saying goodbye to Dogma: As all traditions that have become religions, seem to have misinterpreted the teachings that lead to liberation and shroud them in a cloud of mystery or interpret them falsely to keep people in the dark.
I wish to simplify this for every living Being and I had asked for a shortcut- it was somehow granted and with the “Dance of The Warrior” and people being in my presence, for some I do do an even further shortcut and give them an energetic treatment, it is rapid, efficient and people transcend very quickly.
The reason why I felt hurt in the past when people left, is because they took a part of you away with them, a part of the Shakti that resides within you and by leaving they take a little part of you. But I understand by now that the human mind is feeble and that most are not fit to walk on this path.
Go out and seek to find your true Self again, with whatever method works for you.
Personally, I love sitting in churches, in mosques, with enlightened beings, go to Ashrams where a truly liberated Being is holding meditations, go and visit Holy Sites and countries, go and sit in nature- she is the church and the mosque and the temple that will teach you.
It is our birthright to awaken, to remember what we are and that we are infused with Divine Consciousness. Don’t listen to others, don’t even listen to me. Question things and have your own experience. That is the exact reason why so many people tell so many different awakening stories: Everyone perceives the experience different. Go and sit, reflect and just be.
Meditation is key though and without it, it will most likely not happen or our Divine Mother will rip you apart. Honor her and Shiva’s workings- they know best.
With this, I encourage you all to seek the constant seeker, to Be.
In deep unconditional love and a good sense of humor,